Kakuzu, Hidan, and Pein:Random Bits
by Madam Komodo
Summary: Pein sees first hand how crazy it is when you have a certain Jashin follower living with you.


Kakuzu and Hidan-Random Bits

I started this fanfic to it out of my mind and I was really addicted to reading 'Get Fuzzy' comics.

I think Bucky and Hidan are alot alike.

The Walmart Incedent

The Akatsuki went to Walmart to get some supplies and stuff.

Kakuzu was looking at cd's from the 80's, when he felt this tap on his shoulders. He turned around to see a Black Op, who had grabbed Hidan by the arm.

"Is this guy with you, Sir?" the Black Op asked, slightly annoyed.

Kakuzu gave Hidan and annoyed glare.

"...Problem?"

"He cost $40.00 of damage in one of the Aisles."

Kakuzu slapped his forehead and grown.

"What did that little fucker do?"

"He beat the stuffing out of a 'Tickle Me Elmo' doll."

Kakuzu stared at Hidan in disbelief. Hidan had done quite a few stupid things in his life but this was one of them that takes the cake.

"You got in a fight with a freaking **TOY**?" Kakuzu exclaimed, annoyed and shocked that Hidan had gotten into a fight with a stuffed toy.

"Hey!" Hidan growled defensely, "The fucker was laughing at me!"

The Net Accident

Kakuzu was sitting on the couch of the Akatsuki base, read a newspaper. He was waiting for Hidan and Deidara to get back from catching butterflies for Zetsu's experiment.

Suddenly a bang was heard, followed by footsteps. Deidara and Hidan came into the room.

"Hey guys how was butterfly catching? Did you...**Whoa! **What happened?"

Kakuzu had looked up and stared in shock at Deidara. The blonde had many bandaids on him and his arm was in a cast in a sling, and his net was completely ruined.

"There may have been some doubt whether I was in pursuit of a 'Shinobi Butterfly' or if it was in fact, an entirely different species, altogether. Now if you clowns will excuse me, I have to go lie down." Deidara said, before walking toward his room.

Kakuzu then focused his attention toward his partner.

"So seriously, Hidan, What happend?"

Hidan looked at his partner, and was still snikering. He calm himself before responding to his partner.

"Blondie snared a huge ass buzzard. It was so fucking hilarious."

One day at the breakfast table all the other members have finished their breakfast except Kakuzu and Hidan. Pein walked up to them and sighed.

"Guys, we have to talk about the finances." Pein told them in a grim tone, causing Kakuzu to stop eatting his scrampled eggs with cheese and peppers on it

"Normally I'm the one who is in charge of the finances around here." Kakuzu said, "So are we fired or something?"

"No, We're just running low on cash, is all."

"Looks like you'll just have to get another side job, big guy." Hidan said, trying to tant Pein just to see if Pein will snap or not.

"Look...You guys are the most distructive members in the whole organization and that's saying something cause we have a blonde terrorist and a stronger that shit shark here. You guys just can't keep spend the organization's money like that, especailly mine." Pein stated stirnly, staring long and hard at the zombie pair.

"Well I guess I can stop buying Billy Joel cd's." Kakuzu said thoughtfully.

"Well...Then I can stop breaking his Billy Joel cd's." Hidan added, then digging into his buscuts and gravy.

Caught in the shower

Hidan was in the shower, when suddenly he heard a slam of the door. He peeked throught the shower curtain to find Kakuzu sitting on the toilet counting his money.

"Hey, fucker, I'm naked in here. Do you fucking mind?"

Kakuzu rolled his eyes at his partner.

"Hidan, You're always running around freaking naked."

"But Kakuzu, this is 'bathroom naked'...now can you fucking go away now, you bastard."

"Picky, Picky..." Kakuzu grumbled, as he left the room and had left the door open.

"Is it too much to fucking ask to half my boundaries to be fucking respected..." Hidan said, before Kisame accidentally walked in, seeing Hidan butt naked Kisame just had to say something.

"Hey there, sweet cheeks." Kisame said, before snikering slightly.

Hidan turned around and glared at the shark ninja.

"I'm gonna turn your ass into sushi, you damn shark." Hidan yelled, as he chased after a laughing Kisame, naked, freaking out anyone who saw him.

Later on that day, Pein decided to take a shower too. He turn to Kakuzu and Hidan.

"Konan isn't in her room or the base, so if she calls when I'm in the shower, get the phone, ok?"

Both Kakuzu and Hidan were watching TV and had both had their showers.

"Yeah, yeah." Hidan said, not truly paying attention to what Pein had said.

"Quite, our show is starting." Kakuzu said, pointing to the telvision.

Pein left and went into the shower. As he was scrubing himself clean with a bar of soap, he heard the telephone ring.

"Oh, that figures." he grumbled, as he continued scrubing.

The phone continued ringing.

"Answer the damn phone, you assholes!"

Pein was shampooing his hair when the phone still continued ringing.

"Get the fucking phone! I have shampoo in my eyes."

But still the phone rang, so Pein dashed for the phone. He was in such a hurry and had forgotten to wip the shampoo from his eyes that he ran right into the coffee table. Pein fell right in front of the zombie duo and groan.

Kakuzu picked up the phone and answered.

"Hello? Oh, hi, Konan...No I wouldn't say that Pein is 'busy' exactly...well, he's on the floor nearly naked, threatening Hidan and me. I don't really know what you would call it."

Hidan just looked down at Pein while slurping his soda as Pein cursed his and Kakuzu's entire exesistance.

The Flu

Hidan and some of the other members of Akatsuki were sick with the flu. He had spent half of his sick time in the living room watching TV, wrapped up in his Jashin cat blanket.

One day he noticed Pein, who wasn't sick, had Deidara sitting on the floor with a thermometer in the bomber's ear.

"Hey, What cha doing?" Hidan asked, still wraped up in his Jashin cat blanket.

"Taking Deidara's temperature."

"I know it's not a 'oral' thermometer, but why is it in his ear?"

"It's for ears, Hidan...Why? Where did you...Oh, hell no...Please Hidan tell me you didn't."

"Whoops."

"What are you guys talking about?" Deidara asked, "I can't hear you."

"Deidara, It would be best if you didn't know." Pein said, figuring that the blonde would only freak out and make himself feel worse if he knew.

While Pein, Kakuzu and Hidan were eating dinner, when Itachi came running in wearing a sweater.

"Everyone laughed at me when I bought this jumbo bottle of Ibuprofen...Well **HA!**" Itachi blurted out, " 'We'll never use them up before the expiration date', you said! 'It's wasteful' you said! Well **HA **to you! It's still two weeks till they expire, There's only 12 pills left, and I **just got sick! **Ha, ha, **ha!**"

Then Itachi coughed a little bit.

"I wish he'd just go lie down." Hidan said, as he took a sip of his orange juice.

"Hope that stuff lowers his fever." Pein said, take a bite out of his sandwich.

Itachi tapped Pein on the shoulder, holding the big bottle of Ibuprofen.

"Can you open this for me?"

Kakuzu and Sasori was in the kitchen talking, when suddenly a mug comes flying and hits Kakuzu on the head. The mug didn't break and was caught before it could hit the floor.

"Holy crap!" Sasori exclaimed, "What the hell was that?"

Kakuzu sighed and took the mug from the puppet ninja.

"It's ok it's our 'system'."

"What system, Kakuzu?"

"I keep Hidan's damn mug filled with soda so he can't pelt me with it." Kakuzu said, as he filled Hidan's mug with soda.

"And you call this a 'system'?" Sasori asked, before Hidan came in and looked at the two.

"Works for me." Hidan said, as he snatched the mug from Kakuzu's hands and left.

Deidara walk up to Pein's office one day, curious on what happened to Pein's new fax machine.

"So Pein, did you figure out what was wrong with your new fax machine, hmm?"

"Yeah Deidara, 'someone' put a roll of toilet paper in it instead of fax paper." Pein said, writing something down in his book.

"Hmm, well that's odd. Who on earth would something so crazy as that, hmm?"

Pein turned his attention toward Hidan, who was sitting in a computer chair listening to his new 'Korn' cd he bought.

"In the words of Kakuzu, 'One of the good things about living here is that you never have to ask 'Who', only 'When'..." Pein said, still staring at the immortal listen to his music, unaware of the conversation between the blonde terrorist and their leader.

It was Thanksgiving Day at the base and Pein had the whole memebers of Akatsuki sitting at one table to eat as a group. He had a big nice meal out for them, but none could eat any of it cause when it got to Hidan's turn to say what he was thankful he would say inapproprate things and Pein would have him start over again.

"I'm thankful that Kakuzu isn't bitching about money today..."

"Try again, Hidan."

"I'm thankful that you and Deidara didn't burn the damn turkey beyond **all **recognition this time..."

"Hidan, We're just going to sit here until you take this seriously, and you might as well do it right."

All the members groaned.

"Then we'll be here all day." Sasori growled, followed by a few nods from Kakuzu, Kisame, and Itachi.

Pein walked into the laundry room and found Kakuzu sitting on a stool, waiting for the laundry to get done.

"Kakuzu, did you remember to wash my favorite white shirt?

"Yes, Pein, it should be done now."

Pein looked into the dryer and was not happy at what he saw.

"What the...KAKUZU!"

"What? Kakuzu complained, "I didn't do anything wrong."

"My shirt is fucking pink! Everything in here is **pink! **What the hell happened?" Pein yelled, as Hidan walked in and looked at him and Kakuzu.

Kakuzu looked at the shirt and the other stuff.

"I, um..I really don't know what to say here, Pein." Kakuzu said, scratching his head a little bit.

Hidan began digging through the laundry and shouted, "Ahh, Here's my lucky red sock."

"Your 'lucky red sock'?" Pein said, "Hidan you don't **wear **socks!"

"That doesn't make it not lucky!" Hidan said, right before Pein tackled him

"You little shit head, that was my favorite shirt." Pein growled, "Now I can't wear it."

Konan spoted the two guys wresling and signed.

"You have another shirt like that you know, Pein?" she said, "So quite your belly aching and cheer up."

"Yes, dear." Pein muttered, before realizing what he said, "Ur I mean, yes Konan."

Pein glared at the now laughing Kakuzu and Hidan.

"Shut up you two."

"Okay, 'dear'." Hidan said, right before laughing like a maniac.

"You know I really hate you right now, Hidan."

One day Kakuzu and Kisame were sitting on the couch. Kakuzu had just chopped off Hidan's head for throwing a huge bass at him. Kakuzu had Hidan's head sitting next to him on the couch. Kakuzu wasn't having a good day at all and to make matters worse he had a headache.

"Did the aspirin that you took help at all?" Kisame asked, curiously.

"No. It's the worst headache I've ever had...I'd give almost anything to take my mind off..." Kakuzu started before getting bit in the arm by Hidan's head, "OWW, why you..What did you do that for, you asshole?"

"It took your stupid mind off your stupid headache didn't it? You're fucking **welcome.**"

Kisame sat there giggling slightly.

"So, yeah, that was totally uncalled for, but it was pretty damn funny."

Kakuzu looked at his arm, then at Hidan's head, then back at his arm again.

"Ow, now my arm hurts."

Pein was reading the paper and spoted an articule, that he had to read out loud.

"It says here that one of fifty people hears voices in his head..."

Hidan, who was slurping his soda, paused before saying, "I hear voices in **my** head constantly...'Don't grab Konan's ass,' or 'Stop bugging me when I'm on the toilet,' or 'Stop reading my journal, you little asshole'...It's really fucking annoying."

Pein stopped and glared at Hidan as he continued slurping his soda.

"Hidan...That's ME or KAKUZU telling y..."

"**I** never listento them, though." Hidan added, then turning on the TV.

Pein sighed and muttered, "Figures."

Later that day Pein was try to read his new magazine he bought, but was getting rather nervous with Hidan just standing there.

"What's up, Hidan?"

"Nothing."

"So..Whatcha doing?"

"I said** Nothing**."

Pein looked at Hidan.

"Well go do 'nothing' somewhere else, you're freaking me out!"

"You can't control me!" Hidan shouted, before running off.

Pein sighed before finishing the magazine he was reading. He was soon joined by Itachi, who had just finished helping Kisame clean the Akatsuki's pool.

Pein looked for the TV remote but it had gone missing. He then heard a clicking noise. He didn't need to turn his head to know who it was.

He tried ignoring the sound but it didn't stop. Pein got fed up and turned to Hidan, who had the remote an was taping random buttons while aiming it at Pein.

"You can't turn me off with the damn remote." Pein shouted, "Now **go clean you're room!**"

Hidan continued pressing buttons while screaming, "Then...**Mute! Mute! Mute! MUTE!**"

Pein woke up late at night, hungry, so he tiped toed very carefully to the kitchen. He crept past all the rooms and reached the kitchen. Then as gentlely and slowly as he could he opened the frig door slightly. But he soon spotted Gein (the chubby Pein), staring at him.

"How do you **do ** that?" Pein asked, annoyed that Gein had caught him once again trying to get food from the frig.

(I know this has nothing to do with Hidan or Kakuzu, I just did this one for kicks)

Deidara was on his way to his room when he past Hidan yelling into the telephone.

"If you fucking say that one more fucking time, I'll...**Stop fucking saying that! **Are you fucking listening to me? Hey, **Shut the hell up!**"

Deidara walked to Pein's office and found Pein writing down something.

"You'd better do something about Hidan." Deidara said in a worried tone, "He's yelling at someone on the phone."

Pein didn't bother looking behind him and sighed.

"Seriously? he asked the bomber, before laughing.

"Why are you laughing, Sir?" Deidara exclaimed, "He's really screaming at some poor unfortunate soul."

Pein turned to Deidara.

"No, no Deidara, He made me call a Jahhova's witness hotline about his 'religion' and then yanked the phone away from me and started yelling at a recorded message...he started 3 hours ago!"

Deidara and Hidan were sitting on the couch watching a comercail on a painting kit.

"Those paint colors are amazing." Deidara said in awe, "I would use those colors in every single art project I start..."

Hidan handed the blond terrorist one of Pein's credit cards that he stool from their leader.

"Put it on the green one, the yellow on stopped working after the weapon polish."

Pein was once again trying to sleep, when Deidara ran into his room.

"Pein! Get up! The microwave is on fire **again**!"

Pein bolted out of bed, cause normally Deidara is a pyro and loves seting or even seeing stuff on fire but since Deidara is somewhat panicy, Pein would guess Hidan was the one to have set the microwave on fire.

He saw smoke was starting to emit from their microwave.

"Shit." Pein exclaimed, "Deidara, get the extinguisher!"

Kisame was fast asleep and waking the shark ninja was harder than hell, and when woken up Kisame's extremely cranky. Pein was still recovering from the last time he had to wake up Kisame.

Deidara did as he was told and the fire was easier to put out then last time.

Pein then grabbed a hold of Hidan and gave him a strict glare.

"For the last fucking time, take the damn beans **out of the damn can first!**"

Deidara looked at the small storage room for electronics.

"We're running low on ovens..." he said, sighing loudly.


End file.
